Hello! I didn’t forget about you! Starting the newsletter at 9:22 PM EST might just be our reality now that I have two (2) jobs. I wish it didn’t have to be this way…and I suppose it wouldn’t if you would all just pay me………
Last week I lightly teased some drama with the NYS DOL, and yesterday the saga came to a thrilling but unclear conclusion. A few months ago the DOL sent thousands of unemployed New Yorkers a notice saying they had been overpaid an amount of either $600 or $1,200 during the weeks of either 4/19/20 or 5/3/20. My notice told me I was overpayed $600 for the week of 5/3, so obviously I called the DOL to get a basic understanding of what the fuck was going on—was this a scam, did I actually owe the money, are you sure it’s not a scam, etc. I spoke to at least two different people who looked into my payment history and told me I simply was not overpaid in the slightest, and that I needed to file for a hearing in order to keep the money.
I did all of that months ago, forgot about it, and then one fateful day I found out my hearing was but a week away. I tried to get out of it, because I didn’t want to take time off on my literal second day of work at my new job, but once I realized it was going to be an over-the-phone hearing I figured I could finesse a phone call and a Google Meeting at the same time if need be. The judge called me at 9 AM on Tuesday, asked me a bunch of questions that got me flustered, asked if I wanted to make a closing statement to which I stupidly said no, and then hung up. She told me upfront that I would receive the verdict in the mail within the next few weeks, so I have no idea whether or not I got got by this Judge Judy Wannabe, who thought I was an absolute dummy for not knowing when I received my first unemployment payment. If, for whatever reason, she decides I have to pay the money, please start a GoFundMe in my honor, as I will be handing over roughly $3,500 tomorrow at our lease signing ceremony spectacular and could really use the funds. (Side note: has anyone else still not received their tax returns? The nice man that did my taxes said there are still thousands of people waiting for their money, and I’m inclined to believe him, but I’m also like…am I getting Bitch Better Have My Money’d…)
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Last weekend I had the absolute pleasure of housing my dear friends Laura and Steven at my beloved loft. Here are their guest book comments:
“15/10, smells like marijuana, love to be there.”
-Steven C. (25 y.o.)
“The downstairs neighbors were blasting MIA at 2 AM but besides that I would give it a 12/10. Tons of light and greenery, exactly what you would expect. The train is honestly the best white noise, the projector room was nice, and the toilet did me well considering I was unwell. It was a great toilet to vomit in, and the lack of toilet paper didn’t effect me personally. Also love the roomies, the balcony, and the roof was lovely. And also it was a home for me when I was locked out of my home for the night so that’s a bonus.”
-Laura G. (24 y.o.)
“As someone who WAS effected by the TP situation, it was absolutely made up for by the comfort of the plant wall.”
-Steven C. (from earlier)
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That’s my time, folks, they’re giving me the light. You’ve all been great—I hope to see you back here next week when I test out some new material about how I made Cuomo step down as Governor with my Elle Woods-like charm and wit in the virtual courtroom. Goodnight New York!!!