Hey bros and hoes. I’m coming to you live from Caroline’s laptop because yesterday I became Ultimate Dummy Idiot Head Supreme when I rested my water bottle on the couch right next to my laptop without realizing it was still open. Even though I caught it quickly, some of the water definitely made it into the left side (the HDMI side), and I know that because afterwards I tried squeezing it and it made an audible squishing sound. I love life!
I sent several videos to my friend Emily explaining what happened, and of course she did not respond, probably because she was too busy with her job at literal Harvard University doing studies on the human brain and shit. She did not watch my three (3) videos until 11 PM EST—a cool five hours after the incident occurred—and then she had the nerve to yell at me until I ordered a box of white rice for a midnight delivery. I’ve never had to do anything like this before, so the series of events unfolded like so:
Let’s all take a moment to appreciate how vulnerable I just let myself be by letting you see those. Just know that when I call myself dumb it’s not me being endearing, it’s me being self-aware.
It turns on, it works fine, and deep down in my heart of hearts I truly believe she will prevail, but just like the kind woman at the Genius Bar reminded me, there’s really no way to tell if it’s okay or not. And I actually think that’s incredible. She opened it up and told me that while she didn’t see any visible damage on top, there’s always the possibility that it’s been damaged below, which means it could crap out at truly any given moment. You can also bet your friggin bottom I’ve never once backed it up, so she will be resting in rice for the next several days and will not be used again until she’s been iClouded or whatever the verb would be.
All of this has been a real kick in the tits and punch to the puss, especially because I have a job interview tomorrow over Google Meet (brag). If any of you geniuses out there have any advice on what I should do, I would love to hear your suggestions but you have to be patient with me. I don’t know anything about computers, and I shouldn’t have to. I’m a girl. I’m supposed to know how to braid hair and tap dance, not how to back up a laptop with a “time machine.” Do you hear yourself? You sound ridiculous.