Never before have we seen the end of New York Fashion Week coincide with an event like the Met Gala and an award show like the VMAs. Normally this collision of cosmic celebrity events would be a big deal for me—one that I would plan my week around, even—but this year, I didn’t even have time to check up on the corresponding trending Twitter topics until they were well over.
Sometimes your friend Pat is in town, and because you haven’t seen him since your college graduation in 2019, you end up gladly missing the VMAs. And then other times, the CEO of your company invites you to a vegan restaurant in Midtown, of all places, so she can tell you and your coworker to your faces that you’re not doing as good of a job as you should be. And for that reason, you wistfully miss the Met Gala.
I’m not saying these are my experiences, I’m just saying that they are experiences that people sometimes experience.
I think it’s incredibly annoying when people only talk about how busy they are, but I’ve become one of them against my better judgement. Between my job, my second job (which has kindly put up with me consistently submitting work 3 days too late), applying to new jobs (I’ve basically become a glorified customer service rep for influencers at my current job and it is very much NOT fierce boots), keeping up with the newsletter, and literally eating, I’ve had to cut out any and all self-indulgent activities like repotting my precious, rapidly dying aloe plant that I’ve had since 2017, buying a WiFi extender so I can stop working out of my bed for once, giving the bathroom an official post move-in cleaning because heaven knows she needs it, etc. Also, not that this pertains to anything, but I literally JUST found out that there has been a gas leak in my apartment building, if that gives you any idea of how my days are going.
The only thing I make sure to prioritize is the newsletter, because it is literally the only thing I care about in this godforsaken world. But I fear I have to White Fang you all, at least for now. When given between the choice between you and any of my paid responsibilities, I’m going to choose you every time (that’s just the anti-capitalist in me, sorry…). You deserve a newsletter that isn’t written in a time crunch with a myriad of typos to show for it. No, you deserve a newsletter that is properly copyedited and leaves you with a satisfying ending each time. And unfortunately, I am not at a place in my life where I can give that to you right now. So go on, git! Scram! Go back to your kind!
Just kidding don’t go yet!!! I may not have been able to watch the live coverage of the VMAs or the Met Gala, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t do my research later, and it definitely doesn’t mean I didn’t have opinions. Let’s get into it:
Normani Kord-ATE
My favorite performance across the board. The choreo, the looks, the staging, the homage to Janet at the end—we should BE so lucky! We are *this* close to the Normani-ssance, *this* close!!
You Can’t Get This Thickness Out of Your Mind
Normani may have been my favorite overall performance, but Chloe was my favorite performer. The vocals and the stage presence were unmatched. I know Mother Yoncé is proud of her daughter, I just wish she had given her a little more money to spend on the visuals. That ugly ass font was clearly a premeditated attack on my client, and we will be seeking damages immediately.
Some Sour Notes
You won’t ever catch me speaking ill about Ms. Rodrigo—I spent those two weeks in May listening to that album on repeat just like everybody else—but I will say, as a Reformed Theatre Girl myself, how the hell is her breath control that bad? If us nobodies had to take a mandatory movement class to compete in a series of utterly meaningless regional singing competitions, then dammit, she does too!
Rihanna Check-In
Now I don’t wanna be the one to say it…BUT……when I saw Rihanna’s Met Gala look…I couldn’t help but think of this note I wrote to myself in December 2020………
Also:
Hunter Harris exposing herself as a Loftstyle reader.
The Nicki Minaj of It All
Readers, if you’re looking for someone to make sense of Nicki’s recent explosive diarrhea of a mess, it ain’t me. I only just became a Barb in 2020, I’m still very new to this. But for her to do this to me just 3 days—3! days!—after teasing a song with Brandy, Tamar Braxton, and Keke Wyatt…that might be the worst offense of them all. For context, Brandy was my second most listened to artist of 2020, Nicki was my sixth, and Tamar had my ninth most listened to song with “The One” (7 of those 9 were Usher songs, so 9 is still very impressive). This was going to be my Avengers, my Charlie’s Angels (2019), if you will. Now, it will still be that, but less.
I can’t leave without clearing out my notes app, so
Tales From The Crypt (My Notes App):
O brother, where the hell art thou, loca
If I’m moving differently it’s because I’m working again, which means between the hours of 9 AM and 6 PM, people are to address me as Jillian. It’s my version of the formal usted
We can only hope that HBO will do to Steve Zahn what they did to Jean Smart
It’s not fair that my dentist can find out whether or not I’m single just by asking “do you wear your retainers at night”
Don’t be fooled, my mom is a huge Julianne Moore fan, despite her insistence on calling her “Julianna”
Here is a Playlist to Remember Me By, But Instead of Thinking of it as a Playlist, Imagine it’s 2004 and I Made You a Mixtape Before My Big Move to a New School:
“Me and Those Dreamin’ Eyes of Mine” by D’Angelo
“Things Come & Go” by Mya feat. Sean Paul
“I Found Lovin’” by Ashanti
“In The Morning” by Kelis
“Crybaby” by Mariah Carey feat. Snoop Dogg
“U Know What’s Up” by Donell Jones feat. Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes
“Simple Things” by Usher (it’s 2004, I’m gonna put a song from Confessions on there)
“I Care 4 U” by Aaliyah
This has been a lot of fun. This newsletter is like my very own Life of Pablo, in that I’m constantly making little changes to the website after I hit publish. Sometimes I play around with phrasing, other times I change replaces images with a much nicer and better staged picture. I do it just for me and I like that.
I’ll be back soon. I just need to take this time to actually unpack my apartment and work on job applications that will hopefully not get lost in the ether. See you soon, my little lofties <3